things in my brain

paris is freaking magical you guys.

-- i just got home from fish lake, which was the bomb.
-- i miss europe.
-- but i love america too.
-- arrested development.
-- i'm leaving on my mission in a month + 2 days.
-- i'm also dating a boy named sam and he is really great, which makes the previous thing a little more difficult than it was a few months ago.


life is crazy and wonderful and embarrassing and scary and hard.
pray a lot. watch this video and laugh a lot. eat m&ms a lot. watch woody allen movies a lot.

school's out so i'm blogging again.

// bye white house. i love you // last night with my roommates/lovers //

// and just like that, all of my dollars turned into euros // pretty trees. not-so-pretty smell //

// last day of work, kickin it in my private bathroom // no more early morning editing. at least for the next 6 weeks //

// our blood, sweat, and tears went into those wings for the film. literally all of those fluids // oh, hi mason //

//sam let me be his coach for the day // that movie is in my top 20 //

endings and beginnings

me and two of my best friends from film school being happy at the bon jovi concert. sam and martha.

I'm taking an 18 month break from school. And chances are, most all of my friends will be graduated and will have moved on to new things when I finally make it back to school. This is really disheartening, and it's a sacrifice for me.

But remember how I felt this same wistful feeling at the end of last semester? And at the end of last school year? And a little teeny bit at the end of high school? It's a pattern. A pattern that applies to most everyone I think, but I've just now pinpointed it for me. 

Everything ends. All these good, amazing, fun, awesome things I get to do start out as a sometimes uncomfortable adjustment, but by the time it ends I realize how much it has meant to me and how much I love it. I grow really close to people easily. Sometimes I think my heart is too big because I get attached to people and things (and books and songs and movies and sandwiches) so easily. Then the great thing has to come to an end and we have to leave, and I feel like something is missing for a while. Then I meet new people that get to fill in those voids. 

I'm sad about it now, but I know that the emptiness that is left after this semester will be filled eventually. I'll go through the same cycle of adjustment, being comfortable, being happy, and then sadness upon the inevitable end. It's going to happen with my study abroad, and then happen again (probably times 100) with my mission.

I'm learning not to be sad when it's time for another ending. Isn't it great that we all get to be characters in each other's stories? Going through this cycle of loving people and leaving people just makes us warmer and more human, I think. And things will always come back into our lives to help fill in the gaps again. And I'm going to be happy. I am happy.

stoop sitting

doing my homework on the porch today. yeah, we have a couch out here. yeah, it's so ghettoooooo.

i'm totally a stoop sitter. 

it probably seems silly. 

like you're not doing anything or getting anything done.

but you are.

it's good for your heart.

Everyone Forever Now - "Stoop Sitting" from Everynone on Vimeo.

the januaries

i've been a bit out of sorts.

it's easy to be overwhelmed.

i'm not overwhelmed with school or work or all my projects, per se. that's keeping me busy, but just the right amount of busy.

but, you know, i get overwhelmed about other things.

there are so many books. and i don't have time to read them all. there are so many movies and shows on my "to be watched" queue that i just can't quite get to. i want to practice my writing and screenwriting, but i'm supposed to write papers right now. i probably won't ever make a great film, because olmi made il posto and welles made citizen kane when they were in their 20s. i want to make cool stories and pictures that go with them, but i won't ever make anything as good as calvin and hobbes. and when jennifer lawrence is sick she wins screen actors' guild awards, and when i'm sick i fall asleep in class.

it's easy to think that where you are isn't where you should be,
whether that's geographically or mentally/spiritually.

i'm calling this feeling "the januaries,"

and i don't want it to become "the februaries" too.

so right now i'm remembering:

comparison is the thief of joy.
i'm doing my best.
i'm being kind to people.
i love what i study at school.
and i'm actually an ok person.

bye, january.

walden is my favorite filter

from a day trip to logan//a ticket from 2008 and one from 2012

kirsten loves chinese food//my bag = hermione's bag

at work after a much needed hair trim//peach (favorite fruit!) season is nearly here

my whole week is summed up in these words:

sleep in.

work.

eat.

olympics.

friday night lights.

bed.

even though there has been minimal physical activity, the emotional activity has been off the charts.

olympics AND friday night lights at the same time?

geez people. waterworks over here.

life's about to get real busy, so i'm ok with this.

enjoying my last weeks of pure relaxation.

this happened in my life today

it was actually awesome.

.....

2 pics

1// my new ride.

it's what i've been driving around in lately, since the old car broke down.

boys wave at me when i'm driving now.

my jeep cherokee brings all the boys to the yard... ha.

2// cadbury eggs in july!?

it's no secret i love those things.

in jessieland, we would use them as currency.

festival of colors

worth the crazy traffic and a very purple shower? i think it was.

festival of colors. it's fun.

someone smart said this:

a boat is always safe in a harbor.

but that's not really what boats are for.

my favorite email of the week

my show passed the quality check. that means i get to sleep in tomorrow.

don't you wish you could switch lives with me?

ha... kidding.

right now things are feeling a little mundane.

i do pretty much the same thing every day.

but i guess that doesn't have to be a bad thing.

the good news? oscars this weekend.

my application for my major is finally done and turned in.

and i found a full bag of almond joys in my closet today.

update

i'm in the middle of the film major application process. it's crazy, people. craaazy. plus i have all my usual homework and editing that tv show. it'll be a busy week.

i've been thinking about my future a lot lately. i have a lot of stuff i want to do in my life. like study abroad. and live in a different state for a while. and become really good at yoga.

also, i got an insane desire to go somewhere warm today (even though this winter has been remarkably warm) with a palm trees and a pool and where the sidewalk burns your bare feet.

i'm off to do some more studying. keep it real everyone.

pro

pro: i watched a really good documentary this week.

con: the store ran out of milk, so i can't eat my honeycomb right now.

pro: the homework load is much lighter this semester than last.

con: applying for my major is a little stressful and intimidating.

pro: new nail polish.

i can think of more pros than cons today.

there are more pros on most days lately.

tuesdays with jessie

i am going to love my tuesdays this semester. i sleep in, go to devotional, go to lunch with dad and kylie, work a little bit (maybe a lot bit), and go to one class (my FAVORITE class).

this particular tuesday:

lunch with dad and kylie: blimpie. they know how to build a good sandwich.

my FAVORITE class: humanities. the pictures in my textbook look like that instead of pictures of dissected pigs. and today we talked about michelangelo. love.

work: the show has been taking over my life this week. that happens from time to time. but someone has to edit that stuff.

ballet bun: do you ever wonder what your hairdo has looked like all day? i do.

vednesday

just sitting here. wearing plaid. doing my research paper.

i found a website that reads a list of diseases in whatever accent you want. computerized australian accent. ha.

my orchestra class ended half an hour early. the fire alarm went off and we had to evacuate.

screams just exploded from my kitchen. my roommates are watching jim and pam kiss for the first time.

things i took/take for granted..

an organized fridge.

every time i open our fridge, stuff falls out.

my sonicare electric toothbrush.

i took my normal toothbrush to college and it just isn't the same.

my mom's ability to keep fresh fruit and vegetables in the house.

i'm really bad at eating things before they get moldy and gross.

cookies.

i used to be able to eat cookies whenever i wanted. now, cookies aren't easy access. when i have the chance to eat a cookie, i go crazy.

my kitty.

i'm still his favorite. he hangs out with me when i come home on weekends.

ten things

1. our walls look like cottage cheese.

2. cottage cheese looks like our walls.

3. i like to study in the jfsb courtyard because it's the place on campus that looks most like hogwarts.

4. you know how the RA puts all the names on the doors in freshman dorms? we made our own.

5. this jug of strange yellow "juice" sat on our table for a while.

6. the day we made a million crepes.

7. final cut pro's death omen. we call it the color wheel of death.

8. the almond joy shake. i had one today and it was awesome.

9. fall leaves smell like heaven.

10. how brooke likes to study.