the januaries

i've been a bit out of sorts.

it's easy to be overwhelmed.

i'm not overwhelmed with school or work or all my projects, per se. that's keeping me busy, but just the right amount of busy.

but, you know, i get overwhelmed about other things.

there are so many books. and i don't have time to read them all. there are so many movies and shows on my "to be watched" queue that i just can't quite get to. i want to practice my writing and screenwriting, but i'm supposed to write papers right now. i probably won't ever make a great film, because olmi made il posto and welles made citizen kane when they were in their 20s. i want to make cool stories and pictures that go with them, but i won't ever make anything as good as calvin and hobbes. and when jennifer lawrence is sick she wins screen actors' guild awards, and when i'm sick i fall asleep in class.

it's easy to think that where you are isn't where you should be,
whether that's geographically or mentally/spiritually.

i'm calling this feeling "the januaries,"

and i don't want it to become "the februaries" too.

so right now i'm remembering:

comparison is the thief of joy.
i'm doing my best.
i'm being kind to people.
i love what i study at school.
and i'm actually an ok person.

bye, january.